


Frozen

by LadyofAvalon



Category: Provost's Dog - Tamora Pierce
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-12
Updated: 2012-06-11
Packaged: 2017-11-07 13:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/431472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyofAvalon/pseuds/LadyofAvalon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rosto made this choice by his own free will.  His choices had brought him there, and he would gladly pay this price.  He would do anything for Beka.  Anything.  Even let his heart go as cold as ice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Control

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably one of my darker stories in tone - the point, however, is not the typical 'Beka never saw Rosto watching' story. It is a descent story - Rosto's descent into darkness for the sake of allowing Beka to be who she wants - needs - to be. Ultimately, it is about sacrificial love.

" _There is no love without sacrifice." – Princess Yue, The Last Airbender_

 _I'm spinning out of control  
Not knowing which way to go  
Feelin' left out in the cold_  
 **-** Outta Control; Thousand Foot Krutch

* * *

**I.**

_**Control** _

There was never any moment when it was a conscious thing before Port Caynn. There was never any moment where Rosto the Piper thought about his feelings for Beka Cooper and made a decision. Trying to woo her was a different sort of thing – she was a

challenge, and he loved a good challenge. He flirted with every pretty mot in sight – that was just something he did.

However, when the news of her romance reached his ears, he found that he was jealous. He was _jealous_ of what the Dog, the one who eventually survived her ordeal out of _sheer dumb luck_ , was doing. And the man she had chosen over him.

The part that bothered him the most was that it hurt. Her complete and utter rejection of him hurt, whereas all of (the few) times before, with anyone else, it had not so much as phased him. This, however… He could not understand why it actually hurt.

Every form of metaphorical salve that was applied to his ego in the following weeks failed in every sense of the word. She ignored him when she returned, ignored what he _knew_ Ersken had told her upon his arrival in Port Caynn., and ignored the Court of the Rogue as much as she possibly could.

Ignoring the Rogue he could understand. Ignoring what he had done in attempt to make _her_ jealous made sense to him, too. But ignoring him in general? That, he did not like. Perhaps it was his ego that caused it to bother him the most. Or perhaps it was the fact that he knew he had feelings for her now. He was sure of what they were, and not the least bit ashamed. Though, he did keep them entirely to himself.

To let her know would be weakness in the façade. It would allow someone to see the crack in his mask. He could not have that. He would not let his soft heart – particularly where Beka was concerned – destroy him. He swore that to himself.

Months passed before Rosto even realized it. Time passed around him without him caring. Nothing changed in their world – on the outside, all was the same. On the inside, however, loneliness had begun to creep in on him.

Loneliness and rejection did not sit well with him. He hated the feelings they left in their wake, hated the weakness that he felt. He was the _Rogue_ , for Mithros' sake! He was the most powerful man in the city of Corus, and in most of Tortall. The only person who could truly rival his power was King Roger himself. Why was it that his power no longer meant anything?

Days blurred together, but the weakness, the ache, never left him. He watched her go about her business, pretending that she didn't have a care in the world. He knew better. He saw her expression when she left it unguarded, and the pain it held. There was nothing he would do about it. After all, he was the Rogue – and she did not care for him, his friendship, or anything that he had offered to her.

It was not long before he saw her for Happy Bag only. He stopped going to breakfast with her and their friends, despite the protests of Aniki and Kora. They wanted him there, even if Beka did not care. Rosto, however, was unwilling to put himself in a position that would cause him more pain.

Nearly a year after her return from Port Caynn, nothing had changed. He loved her from a distance, knowing that she would never accept him. For the first time, he was content with that lot in life. It would pass. Everyone had always told him that unreciprocated feelings would fade. That was how it was.

When he saw her being carried back to her apartment in Tunstall's arms, however, everything changed. Seeing Beka looking small and weak made his decision for him.

He could not say anything. He never could. Nor, in this case, did he feel that he needed to. She could never know what he would do for her if she asked. He could never let her have that power over him. Giving her that power would only lead to weakness.

Rosto the Piper was never weak. Not anymore. Once, that might have been the case, but he was certainly not going to let it happen again. He was in control. Always in control. He had to be.

He made this choice by his own free will. His choices had brought him there, and he would gladly pay this price.

Her icy blue eyes were never far from his mind.


	2. Cold

_Moments of regret used to be  
The thoughts that often times consumed me  
As shadows hid the eyes that said it all  
It's left me here in broken buildings_  
\- Broken Buildings; Seventh Day Slumber **  
**

* * *

**II.**

_**Cold** _

The man she had known had changed. It was an undeniable fact to Beka Cooper that she no longer knew Rosto the Piper. He had been her friend, her ally. Now, she was not quite sure what he was.

He had disappeared from her life rather effectively. She saw him once a week now, and no always even then. Sometimes another pair of Dogs would retrieve the bribes. Sometimes it would be Aniki who was in charge of the Court of the Rogue when they were there. Rosto disappeared to go do something else half the time.

Beka did not know whether to be sad or grateful for that. She had been so used to him in her life – he was a good man, she knew. He always had been. Now, she was starting to regret letting her mother's past rule her life.

It was too late now. He was already gone.

It had taken her a long time to realize that she had always cared about him more than she thought she would. Probably more than she had thought she could.

His flirting had meant nothing when it had been at the beginning. He had been trying to catch her, just like every other mot in the city. He was a lady's man, always trying to win a pretty mot.

Those had been the days when everything had been good and happy in her life. She had enjoyed herself more with that little group of friends than she could have described. She longed for those days to return, but she knew they never could. Rosto had drifted away. He had changed.

She saw the looks on his face and in his eyes when he was ruling over his court. Always cold, always ruthless. He always got his way. He was the King of the Court of the Rogue. That was who he was now. Rosto would not let her forget it. He had distanced himself from her, and from Kora and Ersken, for a reason. They were associated with the Dogs. Even if they had been friends before, they no longer could be, it seemed.

At least, that was the choice he had made. She had not made the choice to cut her friends off. She was not the one who had changed.

As she thought about it, though, he had not changed so rapidly that she noticed it immediately. It had been so slow that she had not noticed at all.

If someone had asked her six months before if Rosto the Piper was a good man, she would have said that he was. Now she was not so certain. He was cold. So cold that it hurt to look at him; so cold that she could not even consider being with him anymore. He was not the person he used to be. She was sure of that.

All she could remember was the look in his warm dark brown eyes so long ago. Where had the man that cared about her gone? She could no longer see that man. All she saw was his frozen heart. He was no longer who she thought he was.


	3. Chill

_I'm swimming in the smoke  
Of bridges I have burned  
So don't apologize  
I'm losing what I don't deserve  
What I don't deserve_  
\- Burning in the Skies; Linkin Park

* * *

**III.**

_**Chill** _

The winter brought a certain cold to the Rogue's inn. It was harsh where it had once been warm and welcoming. The winter held with the Rogue and with the surroundings. Rosto no longer even felt the chill of the building. He had not for a long time. There was no place for a physical cold when he could feel nothing but frost anyway.

This was what was best, he had told himself. Always what was best – for all of them. If he did not become close to anyone, none of them would be hurt because of him. And when one of them was killed because they were associated with him, it would not hurt him either. It was better that way.

The snow fell like a silent lullaby for a part of him that he would never reawaken. There would not be another moment of compassion. He was the _Rogue_. Forever. Until the day he died, this would be his life. Silent. Alone. Cold. So cold that he almost could not bear it.

Slowly, the snow stopped falling. Spring returned to Corus. There were flowers everywhere. He could see her from his window when he watched the sun rise. He didn't care.

He never watched her. He knew she looked up sometimes. He never looked back.

The day the Dogs came for a man who was at his mercy, everyone knew he had changed. There used to be a time when the Rogue would hand over a criminal to the Dogs when they were after the same one. Not this time. Rosto would not have that. He had the man forced to kneel in front of him and – as he looked Beka Cooper straight in the eye – he cut the man's throat for his betrayal.

Disbelief and shock flashed across her face. It was as plain as blood on his hands. Her eyes hardened as she looked at him, anger taking hold. Rosto smirked and turned away. There was no emotion in his eyes and that scared her.

It happened again – that smirk and the unfeeling look. It was part of the new façade. Only it wasn't a façade anymore. It had become who he was. He did not feel anything anymore. Just the cold. Just the numb sensation that took over when he woke from his dreams. He was more alive there than anywhere else. But he no longer even remembered them when he had risen for the day.

There had once been a time when he had dreamt of happiness with someone who was so like him and yet so different. Now, he never cast her a second thought. It was his own doing. He saw her, but he didn't really see _her_ , the woman he had once loved. She was not his friend, nor anything to him. She was his enemy if anything.

He defied them daily. He had truly become the Thief-King of Corus. He was unforgiving now. He had to be.

A small part of him that he never even noticed anymore knew why he had become like this. He had chosen to be this way because then Beka could do what she needed to do. She could be what she needed to be. And the only way she could was if she faced someone who was like him. Someone who had let their heart grow cold.

She would never know that he had done this out of love for her. He had even forgotten it. He had forgotten everything he could about the feelings she had caused. The warmth when he saw her was gone. The joy that she brought him without knowing it was gone. It was all gone. Obliterated by his choice.

This was his life now. Somehow, he couldn't even bring himself to care.


	4. Fear

_Trembling, crawling across my skin  
Feeling your cold, dead eyes  
Stealing the life of mine  
I believe in you  
I can show you that I can see right through  
All your empty lies, I won't last long  
In this world so wrong_  
-Dance with the Devil, Breaking Benjamin

* * *

**IV.**

_**Fear** _

_Why did you do this, Rosto?_

The question haunted Beka daily. She had no idea what had happened to the man who had once been her friend. She had no idea what had happened to the man who had _loved_ her.

Once, it had taken a lot to scare her. Now all she had to do was think about the cold, dead eyes that she saw whenever she looked at his face. Even the thought of it nearly reduced her to tears. Every time she saw him, a chill ran down her spine. Adrenaline flashed through her system when he turned his frozen gaze on her.

Fear. Always fear. It was always at her side, ready to drag her down. There were times when she barely saved face in front of people. She would never let them see what his betrayal had done to her. No one could see how scared she was because of him. She was scared that he would come for her and destroy her.

He was not the man she had once known. Her Rosto – the one she realized far too late that she had been in love with – would never have done this. He was her friend. He had wanted to be more. Now there was nothing left of that man. Or of that time.

Fear had not spread through Corus. Few people even knew what was going on. He still took care of the people who came to him for help. He seemed to care about them. But they did not know what he had become. They did not see what a monster he was. They did not know that their Terrier was scared out of her mind by who he had become.

He was just the Rogue, after all. He was her nemesis, yes, but they had always bantered and played with each other before. That had stopped months ago. But they didn't seem to really notice. The only people who did could do nothing to help. Tunstall. Goodwin. Ersken. Kora. Aniki. Phelan. They knew. They knew how much he had changed. His court knew, too, but they felt it was an improvement. Except for his friends. He was more ruthless than Kayfer Deerborn had ever been.

If there was a name in history that would go down as the true embodiment of the Rogue, it would be Rosto the Piper.

But people would forget. They would always forget. They would tell stories about her, about the things that Beka Cooper had done. But they would not tell stories about the man who had helped her become great. They would never know the slow, creeping fear that he caused in her now. It was so different from the warmth his kisses had once caused.

All she could think of was what he was. And who he had become. In the end, she knew what she would have to do.


	5. Frozen

_Tell me I'm frozen, but  
What can I do?  
Can't tell the reasons,  
I did it for you  
When lies turn into truth  
I sacrificed for you  
You say that I am frozen but  
What can I do?  
-_Frozen, Within Temptation

* * *

**V.**

_**Frozen** _

It had to end now.

It had only been two years since Rosto had changed, but it had to end.

Terror gripped Beka as she walked resolutely down the street with her partner. It was too late for him to change now. No more changes. No second chance. Even as the Rogue, he was too powerful. Too strong. Too cold. He had had more than enough chances with the Dogs already.

She nearly burst into tears when his cold black eyes focused on her. He was so thin. So pale. It was so wrong to see him like that. He didn't flinch as he rose, asking her if they were there to carry out his death sentence.

A shiver visibly ran down her spine as he spoke. She was afraid. He could tell. She felt like his gaze was burning through her. He stepped down from the dais his throne was on, a look of sick amusement on his face. Another jolt of fear shot through her body.

Time seemed to slow for the next few minutes. Beka's heartbeat roared in her ears from the time he stepped slowly toward them to when he was on the ground with a knife in his stomach.

 _I trusted you once_. Her eyes told him that. There was betrayal there. Heartbreak. Pain. All at his hand. The cold in his heart receded for a moment.

 _I did it for you_. He couldn't say it. He never could. But he knew. He knew why things had to end like this.

 _It didn't have to end this way._ She was right. She always had been. But this was necessary. Always necessary. The cold returned. No, it was a different cold.

In the instant Rosto looked into Beka's eyes for the last time, his frozen heart finally warmed. Too late. Tears dripped from her eyes, but he couldn't stop them. Not now. Not ever.

He regretted this. He knew it had to be done, but he regretted what had happened. _I'm sorry_ , he thought. Beka gave a curt half-nod, as if his expression told her everything.

 _I know_ , her eyes seemed to say. Then the cold enveloped him again. His heart seemed frozen again, too cold even for him.

It was all over. The ice was flowing away with every weak beat of his heart. He knew it was over. As cold as he had become, it was nothing compared to this.

Beka watched him fade again, this time forever. She did nothing. She simply stood by. She couldn't. He was the Rogue. He was her enemy; he had killed and killed, never thinking about the day it caught up with him. There was nothing she could do anymore.

Once upon a time, he had been her friend. Once upon a time. Things had been different then. So different from now.

She wished it could have been different. Maybe then things wouldn't have turned out as they had. Maybe he still would have been her friend. Maybe then they could have had something together. Maybe then…maybe it wouldn't have ended like this.

_It didn't have to end like this._


End file.
